Category: Object Profiles

Robin Hood vs Cheddar (Showdown)

One is a man in green and the other is a food in yellow. Now which one is about to get gold? It’s time for a showdown!

Robin Hood


Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the poor. I can get cheddar for £3 down the road.

Robin Hood – 0 Cheddar – 1

Robin Hood fires arrows at targets. Cheddar fires crumbs at passers by. Unfortunately cheese isn’t very deadly.

Robin Hood – 1 Cheddar – 1

Robin Hood has a heart of gold. Cheddar has a heart of cheese. Cheese isn’t a very effective organ, so if Cheddar was alive it would die instantly.

Robin Hood – 2 Cheddar – 1

Robin Hood probably has more nutritional value than cheddar. Cheddar cannot talk.

Robin Hood – 3 Cheddar – 1

Cheese is a product from cows made with love and care. Robin Hood doesn’t exist.

Robin Hood – 3 Cheddar – 2
It’s official! Robin Hood is better than cheddar. If you disagree, then talk to the bow.

Robin Hood.jpg

Actually, I don’t think the bow is sentient either.


Phantom Limb Syndrome

Ok so I know it’s possible to feel a limb even when it’s not there. It’s called Phantom Limb Syndrome. I was going to post a clip from QI explaining it but I couldn’t find it so I have to explain it myself.

If one of your clips have come of for any reason, well the grain can still think it’s there, and it can still feel pain. Or you may sometimes try to pick things up with your nonexistent hand. It’s possible to have this with organs as well.

Well I’ve just had a haircut, and it always feels weird once I’ve had a haircut. I’m wondering if I have phantom hair syndrome.



This post was rubbish wasn’t it. But it’s difficult to think of something else when you feel weird.

Object Profile #004: Fireworks


So one random night when I was a small child, I went out with my family into a field. That night I saw fireworks for the first time. My little brain was still processing all the shapes and colours in the world, but I had never seen anything like this before. I must have thought “Wow, little balls that explode into colourful patterns! This must be the coolest thing in the world, ever.”. I loved it. It was one night where my family could watch this and enjoy the experience.

But here’s the thing: Fireworks are like marshmallows. They’re good at first, but if you have too much of them then they just become weird.

I started to get used to fireworks year after year. Most of the time it was from my bedroom window, and they did look pretty cool. But it was just the same patterns over and over again.

Now it’s become something loud that just serves to irritate me. It’s harder to listen to things with fireworks in the background. I can also hear it at this time of year night after night. It’s not special anymore.

But does it actually annoy me as much as I think it does? To be fair the multiple nights are probably different people doing fireworks displays at different times. I do want other people to get the same magic I did. Maybe I will find it again, not now but in the future. Or maybe I would just be disappointed. I don’t know.

What I do know is, there is indeed something special about fireworks. If I don’t ever find the magic again, then maybe I can find it in something else. I don’t think it will be that difficult. After all, magic is just an unexpectance that makes you stop, wonder and feel joy.

Fireworks, I’m not sure about you. I could buy you, but I might not use you. But between you and marshmallows? Sorry, but I’ll pick the marshmallows.


Edit: 12.11.15 Still fireworks every night. You’d think they’d get bored of it after a while.

Object Profile #002: Books


Books. Useful infomation; amazing stories, excellent shelf filler. What better way is there for making people think you’re smarter than you actually are?

Seriously though, books are great but I hardly ever read them. People say you should read more, but I read on the internet all of the time. Are books overrated? No way. So what happened?

Before using the internet, using books was ok, But now the idea of having to go to a shop/library to get books has become a hassle. Publishing for new authors has always been a hassle, but now anyone can publish anything on the internet, to varying results. Like me typing this for example. Go on another site, that’s also something that somebody’s published on the internet. No that’s Youtube, that doesn’t count.

You can download ebooks, but that further serves to make the physical copies defunct.

The problem with physical books is that not everybody has the space to keep lots of them. There’s also how when they get old, they tend to get very smelly and the pages can get all rough. This makes them offputting to read.

However there are still some books with information that hasn’t yet been on the internet. These books are rare or obscure, and this information will be very valuable in the future. It will make sure that books are an object that will never truly die. I’m ok with that.

In conclusion books, I’ll never read you, but if I ever change my mind I’ll know you’ll be there.

You can stay on my shelf. For the next 20 years, and then I’ll probably donate you to charity.