Category: The Apprentice

Apprentice 11 Task 12: The Final

So it’s the battle of Joseph the plumber with no moustache, and Vana the app maker who I’ve just realised looks like a black haired Katie Hopkins (She even does the head tilt down thing that she does).

Joseph needs to convince Lord Sugar that his plumbing business can make a big profit, and Vana needs to convince Lord Sugar that her gaming/dating app can actually make a profit.

Only one can win. Lets business!

Joseph Vana.png

Look, I don’t care if you’re competing against each other. Please at least stand together in the same postcode.

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Apprentice 11 Task 11: Interview Hell

Five candidates faced four tough interviewers in the hopes that they would recommend their business plan to Lord Sugar, who would invest £250,000 into one of them in a 50-50 deal.

  1. Charleine from the Royal Navy who wanted to start a hair and beauty training academy franchise with salons. It’s like her old company, but bigger!
  2. Joeseph the plumber from plumbing wants to start a plumbing franchise. It’s like his old company, but bigger!
  3. Vana from Social media who wants to do a Dating/Game app. It’s like her old company, but bigger! (Probably)
  4. Gary The Corporate Giraffe with Funky Sunglasses from Tesco who wanted to start a mobile disco company. It’s like his old company, but in the Seventies!
  5. And finally “Tricky Dicky” Richard from his house, who wants to start a business marketing company. It’s like his old company, but exactly the same size.

Forget the previous tasks, for they mean nothing here. You’ll get ripped apart either way, so they better make sure they’ve got it right. I hope you like your businesspeople well done, because they’re gonna get burnt to a crisp.

The interviews.png

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Apprentice 11 Task 9: Mission for Commission

To compensate for Mergim destroying half the property in London a few weeks ago, the Apprentice candidates are forced to sell property. Which in terms of punishments is like telling a burglar to sell jewellery. Or hot dogs. Or anything for that matter. It’s London, you can do what you like as long as you have a permit.

Also at the end there is a super unpredictable twist!

Scott quits 1

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Apprentice 11 Task 8: Party Poopers

Did you know some people spend £2000 on their children’s birthday parties? I didn’t, until I watched this week’s episode of The Apprentice. Both teams had to create and host a birthday party, which the client had paid £2000 up front for. But they don’t have to pay any of it, something which I’m not sure would hold up in court.

Brett Party

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Apprentice 11 Task 7: Everybody Secretly Wants To Kill Each Other

This has to be one of the most manic episodes of The Apprentice ever. In almost every scene we could taste the vitriol all the candidates had for each other. But it’s still The Apprentice, so they were all laughably inept at being cranky. Even the nice guys slowly started turning insane. Except for Gary. He’s been insane all along and no one’s noticed.

Lord Sugar Hands

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The Apprentice 11 Task 6: Bringing the House Down (Literally)

Ok, who the hell greenlighted this task? The candidates are unable to wash cars ON A GOOD YEAR, and yet YOU DECIDED TO SEND THEM OFF TO DO HANDYWORK?!! Are you mad? Half of one team going off to do pointless market research really was the winning scenario, wasn’t it.

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The Apprentice 11 Task 4: Please Show Some Enthusiasm, My Chicken Is Wearing A Jacket

Own a cat, dog or rabbit? Well you’re too late because the candidates on The Apprentice already went to sell pet products at a show in the Excel Arena ages ago. You’re a bit late. I’m sorry.

transfiguration

Lord Sugar practicing the art of transfiguration

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The Apprentice 11 Task 3: Operation Skinflint

This week the candidates are negotiating for nine items in England and France. They must decide whether each item is cheaper in France or England, and which item is only there to make the candidates look ridiculous. (Answer: It’s the poop. It’s definitely the poop.).

This is the poop.

This is the poop. You’re welcome.

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