Category: Uncategorized

Tips on Building a House

Are your attempts at building a house going all wrong? Is your insistence on not using tools getting in the way? Well don’t worry because I’m here to help. You could probably get your house done before you’ve even finished reading the post. It’s that good.

Construction.jpg

The first step is finding your plot.

pile of dirt

Now you’ve found your plot you need to get planks of wood, rulers, a ground plan and some tools. (You may have an insistence on not using tools. You need tools. I’m glad I helped). Measure everything. 1cm, 2cm, 3cm 4. Make sure the ceiling is taller than your head. Saw the wood with a saw. and bash some nails into it. It doesn’t matter where.

Before you construct your house you need to put up a sign discouraging the public from entering the construction zone. A sign like this…

please do not raid my fridge

How are people ever going to go into your working area if they know they can’t raid your fridge? It’s perfect! If you have some blue prints, then that’s a bad thing because you haven’t started painting yet. I suggest you should call a doctor.

When you are doing the building bit of building the building, you need to make sure the pieces of wood don’t fall over. The best way of making sure this doesn’t happen is to use lots of duct tape. Then you are allowed to paint it.

Building the ceiling is a lot like building the walls, except sideways.

The point of tiling the walls is to make sure water doesn’t get in. Using a sign would not work here because waters don’t like fridges. When you are finished tiling the roof, don’t use the ladder to climb down. It looks much cooler if you jump off.

Congratulations, you have just built a house. Now as long as you don’t mind people complaining that you didn’t get planning permission, you can live in there for as long as you want. I’d buy a cushion for comfort.

rich house

Your house

Advertisements

Brainiac faked the Newton’s Cradle Explosion

So there’s this old video on Youtube where some people microwave a Newton’s cradle to poorly made ball jokes.

(Sorry, can’t resize it.)

Now here’s the thing, UK tv viewers had previously seen a Newton’s cradle being microwaved on Brainiac: Science Abuse

One video had the Newton’s cradle melting, and the other one exploded. So one video must be lying. The liars were of course the ones at Brainiac because it’s difficult to trick a Newton’s cradle into melting rather than exploding. Also they did the same thing with a CD, and ‘Is It A Good Idea To Microwave This’ loved explosions and if it exploded, they would put it in the show.

I know Science Abuse is about Abusing Science, but they even added an explanation involving the words ‘spark points’ and ‘magnetrons’.

So don’t believe everything you hear kids. You can heat up your Newton’s Cradle after all.

‘Cause you know, what’s a Newton’s Cradle if it ain’t melted?

Rabbits Vs Trampolines (Showdown)

It’s time for a classic showdown between two favourites! The cute and cuddly rabbits vs the elastic and extreme trampoline. Only one can win – It’s time to find out who!

Rabbits.jpg

Trampoline

Levitating People: HOW DID IT HAPPEN!!1!

Rabbits are fluffy. Trampolines are not fluffy? Why are they not fluffy? Yes it will probably make people jump less high but that doesn’t really matter. How are you supposed to stroke a trampoline?

Rabbits – 1 Trampolines – 0

You can bounce on trampolines to go really high, and you can perform tricks while in the air. If you bounce on a rabbit then it gets squished. You can’t even get much air off it. However you can train a rabbit to do tricks like hurdles. You can’t even get a trampoline to roll over. Both types of tricks are impressive, but rabbit tricks have more variety. Plus rabbits don’t speak english.

Rabbits – 2 Trampolines – 0

Rabbits pee and leave messes everywhere. Trampolines don’t.

Rabbits – 2 Trampolines – 1

Rabbits can be fun to play with due to a severe case of adorableness, while trampolines are fun to play on due to bounce factor. Sometimes Rabbits get tired and don’t want to play while trampolines don’t care whether they are tired or not.

Rabbits – 2 Trampolines – 2

People can be injured by bouncing on a trampoline and falling off, or by hitting the metal side. Rabbits can bite people which can hurt, however that doesn’t cause any major injury. However due to a misunderstanding a bunch of rabbits once had to consume the entirety of Australia (Seriously, they have the most dangerous animals in the world there, but show them a rabbit and they’ll freak.)

Rabbits – 3 Trampolines – 2
Well there you have it! Rabbits are officially better than trampolines. If you disagree, I’ll set a bunny on you.

Rabbits 2.jpg

Apparently these rabbits are supposed to be fighting, but it looks like they’re hi fiving.

Why Are My Hands Dry During the Winter?

Each winter, my hands become dry. That means they look wrinkled, veiny and feel rough. Why does this happen? Lets find out.

My Hand is Dry

My hand is a bit dry

What happens is that the cold dry air blows away the moisture and natural oils on the hands which makes it dry. Then it becomes flaky which means it’s difficult for the body to make more moisture + natural oils.

Try moisturizing your hands under the sink? The soap absorbs natural oils so that doesn’t help.

Try heating up your home? Well the warm air can hold more water vapour than cold air, which is just dumb.

I think the best solution is to lock yourself in a cage for nine months.

There’s no comedy here. I just wanted to know.

7 Reasons Why Breakfast Is The Most Important Meal Of The Day

Restaurant_EnglishBreakfast

1. The best cereals contains sugar. Sugar gives you energy, for short bursts. The more times you eat cereal throught the day, the more bursts of energy you get.

2. Toasters are for cooking bread. But if a burgular comes into your house and sees you cooking, he’s going to want a toastie. But you are crafty you will have already eaten all the toast, and the burgular will go home disappointed.

3. If you pour cooked pancake mix into the cracks of your house, then it can make it stronger. It can also help accomplish your dreams owning an edible house.

4. There are many different types of beans. But the best bean is of course the baked bean. Beans are cooked, which is why they are tanned. If you sit in a cooking pot of baked beans for a while, then you too can have a cheap and easy tan.

5. Eggs taste weird, but if you sit on one long enough it will hatch. Then if you wait long enough you will have chicken, and chicken is tastier than egg.

6. Porrage is like cereal but dull. Therefore it is not a reason why breakfast is important.

7. If anyone tries to force feed you a cornish pasty and you don’t want it, bluff your way out by eating a croissant instead. They both look exactly the same. Or if you hate croissants then you can sneak a pasty instead.

8. Waffles. You can eat them with syrup and they taste nice. Need I say more?

Next Post: Apprentice 11 Task 11: Interview Hell

Blog News 18.11.15

I’ve been blogging for almost a month and a half now and I’m really enjoying this. It’s like what would happen if I could make a TV show, but without the audio. Except that I have creative control over everything, so really it’s better than a TV show.

I’ve decided that I want to have posts on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Although it isn’t as much as I’m doing at the moment, it will allow me more time to refine what I will have. It will also give me time to have some posts ready for when I am unable to make any in the future for any particular reason.

Saturday posts will be about The Apprentice until the series ends. It takes me until Saturday evenings to write Apprentice reviews anyway, so obviously I won’t have time to do much else to them. However I think I can make my other posts look more professional. But don’t start thinking my humour is going to start making sense or anything. I don’t want to raise your expectations up too high.

I will note that circumstances can change at any time.

Hopefully this will all help to improve my blog. So please come back on Saturday for these week’s Apprentice post. Bye.