Tagged: BBC

Robin Hood vs Cheddar (Showdown)

One is a man in green and the other is a food in yellow. Now which one is about to get gold? It’s time for a showdown!

Robin Hood

cheddar

Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the poor. I can get cheddar for £3 down the road.

Robin Hood – 0 Cheddar – 1

Robin Hood fires arrows at targets. Cheddar fires crumbs at passers by. Unfortunately cheese isn’t very deadly.

Robin Hood – 1 Cheddar – 1

Robin Hood has a heart of gold. Cheddar has a heart of cheese. Cheese isn’t a very effective organ, so if Cheddar was alive it would die instantly.

Robin Hood – 2 Cheddar – 1

Robin Hood probably has more nutritional value than cheddar. Cheddar cannot talk.

Robin Hood – 3 Cheddar – 1

Cheese is a product from cows made with love and care. Robin Hood doesn’t exist.

Robin Hood – 3 Cheddar – 2
It’s official! Robin Hood is better than cheddar. If you disagree, then talk to the bow.

Robin Hood.jpg

Actually, I don’t think the bow is sentient either.

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Apprentice 11 Task 12: The Final

So it’s the battle of Joseph the plumber with no moustache, and Vana the app maker who I’ve just realised looks like a black haired Katie Hopkins (She even does the head tilt down thing that she does).

Joseph needs to convince Lord Sugar that his plumbing business can make a big profit, and Vana needs to convince Lord Sugar that her gaming/dating app can actually make a profit.

Only one can win. Lets business!

Joseph Vana.png

Look, I don’t care if you’re competing against each other. Please at least stand together in the same postcode.

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Apprentice 11 Task 11: Interview Hell

Five candidates faced four tough interviewers in the hopes that they would recommend their business plan to Lord Sugar, who would invest £250,000 into one of them in a 50-50 deal.

  1. Charleine from the Royal Navy who wanted to start a hair and beauty training academy franchise with salons. It’s like her old company, but bigger!
  2. Joeseph the plumber from plumbing wants to start a plumbing franchise. It’s like his old company, but bigger!
  3. Vana from Social media who wants to do a Dating/Game app. It’s like her old company, but bigger! (Probably)
  4. Gary The Corporate Giraffe with Funky Sunglasses from Tesco who wanted to start a mobile disco company. It’s like his old company, but in the Seventies!
  5. And finally “Tricky Dicky” Richard from his house, who wants to start a business marketing company. It’s like his old company, but exactly the same size.

Forget the previous tasks, for they mean nothing here. You’ll get ripped apart either way, so they better make sure they’ve got it right. I hope you like your businesspeople well done, because they’re gonna get burnt to a crisp.

The interviews.png

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Apprentice 11 Task 9: Mission for Commission

To compensate for Mergim destroying half the property in London a few weeks ago, the Apprentice candidates are forced to sell property. Which in terms of punishments is like telling a burglar to sell jewellery. Or hot dogs. Or anything for that matter. It’s London, you can do what you like as long as you have a permit.

Also at the end there is a super unpredictable twist!

Scott quits 1

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Apprentice 11 Task 8: Party Poopers

Did you know some people spend £2000 on their children’s birthday parties? I didn’t, until I watched this week’s episode of The Apprentice. Both teams had to create and host a birthday party, which the client had paid £2000 up front for. But they don’t have to pay any of it, something which I’m not sure would hold up in court.

Brett Party

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Apprentice 11 Task 7: Everybody Secretly Wants To Kill Each Other

This has to be one of the most manic episodes of The Apprentice ever. In almost every scene we could taste the vitriol all the candidates had for each other. But it’s still The Apprentice, so they were all laughably inept at being cranky. Even the nice guys slowly started turning insane. Except for Gary. He’s been insane all along and no one’s noticed.

Lord Sugar Hands

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Lord Sugar, Please Give Me Your Money

The looneys, idiots and unreasonably angry people are back! It must be The Apprentice starting up again. I look at the new candidate profiles for the new series of The Apprentice starting on the 14th of October.

The Apprentice 2015

For those who don’t know, the show is about candidates competing for a £250,000 investment and a 50-50 partnership with Lord Sugar. Each week they compete as teams in weekly tasks. One team will win, and in the losing team one of them will be fired. Then at the final five Lord Sugar analyses the business plans/humiliates the candidates some more and chooses a winner. Or maybe all the business ideas are terrible and Lord Sugar decides to go bonkers and spend it all on a miniature train set. That’s the beauty of this show – we’ll never know until the final episode!

Series 11 starts this Wednesday, but the candidate profiles are up already. Lets see who’s going to be awful, who’s going to be even worse, and let’s see if there are any competent people just for variety. I went through all of the profiles bit by bit, and this is what happened

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