Tagged: Doctor Who

Time Travel Is Overrated And Here’s Why

Time Travel is a nice idea. You get to go to whatever period you want to go to, and you can meet whoever you want, but there are more problems than it’s worth.

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The Chameleon Circuit’s jammed again!

First of all languages change over time, and that means you aren’t going to understand what on earth they are saying. Even if you do your research, it doesn’t change the fact that there will be errors in information, accents you’ll have to decipher and then t

There’s also how there hasn’t been a recorded incident of a time traveller “BUT STEWART WHAT ABOUT THAT MAN WHO”… Like I said, no recorded incidents of time travellers in the past. But what about the future? Well I hear things are gonna get moist, so the equipment will probably get short circuited anyway.

Personally I don’t even think time travel is possible due to the huge leap in logic needed to assume that there is a time tunnel that one could theoretically pop in and out of (And yes I know space travel technically counts as time travel, but it’s not exactly going to get me beheaded by Henry VIII, is it.). This is a good thing, because if time machines became commercially available then you just know some dipstick is gonna try and kill Hitler, meaning some one competent will take his place and we would probably lose the war. But thinking about it, someone would probably kill that dude too, and someone else will kill the dude who killed him and OH MY GOSH THIS IS SO COMPLICATED.

It might be funny if sports teams go to the future to find out the results so they can revise their tactics and win, and then the other team will do the same, and then they’ll go back and forth until the timeline would be confused about which timeline to show them, so there is some hilarity there.

The sad truth is if the time machine breaks down then there’s no one to do maintenance so you’re kind of stuck there. Still, bring a torch and you can have yourself a carnival act.

“The light goes on, and then it goes off. Now give me your money! Oh dammit the battery’s dead.”

Which Characters Can You Trust With The One Ring?

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This ain’t no babysitting service you’ve got here

The ring was an item in Lord of the Rings that turned you invisible. It also made wraiths want to eat you, and kinda turned characters into jerks. So in the Lord of the Rings they needed Frodo, a hobbit who could be trusted with chucking the ring into Mount Doom without going corrupt.

But which other fictional characters could be trusted with the ring?

Lets find out…

Sherlock Holmes

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Sherlock is known for being 100% correct about anything and everything. That said, he does have a knack for experimentation, and this may cause him to become overly curious. That being said he probably already knows how the ring works anyway.

Score: 6

Doctor Who

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Doctor Who loves being curious, but he wouldn’t put on the ring if he knew it would make him corrupt. However he often finds him surrounded by Daleks or other monsters, so becoming invisible may turn out to be a plus. He could potentially just take a Tardis to mount doom, provided he doesn’t get separated from it for plot convoluted reasons which, lets face it, will happen.

Score: 8

The Terminator

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The Terminator is a robot who doesn’t give a damn about the ring’s invisibility-ness. All he knows is that if he shouldn’t put on the ring, he shouldn’t put on the ring. Even if he did, you know he won’t go all insane. Unless the wraiths start screwing with his programming. Also he could pass through a legion of orcs by walking with his hand in a fist and his arm stretched out..

Score: 10

Super Mario

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Mario is a plumber who hasn’t done any plumbing for 30 years. Instead he’s been saving the Mushroom Kingdom from Bowser. Maybe he can be trusted with the ring? Unfortunately his usefulness is only as good as the person controlling him, and players have the tendency to screw around. But he does have multiple lives, so perhaps he will make it provided the player ever finishes the game.

Score: 5

Tony Soprano

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Lol no.

Score: -2

Beatrix (Kill Bill)

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Warning: This article contains gore.

She will be able to slice Orcs like nobody’s business, and she has so much determination that she could probably reach Mount Doom even with the ring. That said, she kind of is already corrupt with power. Since Tarantino movies are out of order, she may be able to drop the ring into Mount Doom before the opening credits, and that would have saved us a lot of time.

Score: 5

Harry Potter

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In the first year Harry was obsessed with the mirror that reflected whatever he wanted. But in the later years the mirror would have reflected a map to Mount Doom because you know he ain’t gonna get himself distracted. His spells would be able to get him past the orcs, and he did so much hiking in part 1 of the last film that the distance shouldn’t be a problem.

Score: 8

Hermione Granger

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Like Harry Potter, but with better planning skills.

Score: 8.5

James Bond

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This guy will try to suave his way to Mount Doom. But he won’t be able to drive because the terrain isn’t suitable. Unless of course his team happen to create a vehicle that can do that sort of thing. Otherwise he will have to pull a Legolas and shoot his way through things.

Score: 6

James May

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Gets lost.

Score: -5

 

It’s official! Sorry Frodo, but The Terminator is the best fictional character to carry the ring. Maybe you can make the sandwiches next time.

I hope you enjoyed this. If you did then leave a like, and share this on Twitter or Facebook. Bye!

Why Doctor Who is Much Better Than 2001: A Space Odyssey

I’m going to answer a question. Why doesn’t everyone like what has been proposed by critics to be one of the greatest movies of all time?

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I wanted to like 2000: A Space Odyssey, I really did. I thought the scenes with the apes were made quite well. The sets were all very impressive. But the whole movie ended up being really boring for me. However the biggest problem for me is that this film is something that people are not allowed to not like. What I mean by that is that fans of this film have declared all criticism of this film to be invalid. They say “It’s because you don’t understand it”. As if me reading supplementary material would make me like it. I say no. I shouldn’t have to read supplementary material just to enjoy a film. That’s impractical. supplementary material is fine, however I need to be able to enjoy a movie by itself.

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