1. I have ordered Santa Claus to be shot for security purposes

2. To prove guns are safe I will shoot myself

3. Why is that tree moving?

4. My plan to improve solar energy resources is to attach rockets to Australia and to fly into the sun.

5. I have a good track record in economics as I consistently place 4th in Monopoly.

6. You want to decrease unemployment? Pay them to throw rocks at each other.

7. Scoot over, my butt is numb.