You Must Floss Immediately: Star Signs (23.01.16)
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
If you don’t stand up for other people, nobody will stand up for you. Take this advice forward.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
It’s ok if every day isn’t as good as the last, because good days will come back again.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Why not start flossing? I flossed for the very first time a couple of days ago, and it felt weird. But I liked it.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
The reason why no one has sent you any birthday cake is because it’s not your birthday.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Someone today will release a flock of sheep into your back yard. You must name all of them ‘Erin’.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
If someone tries to feed you food today, please reject it on fear of death. None of it is bad mind you, it’s just that you might die. Of course you might die anyway, but I’m just your horoscope
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Remember that thing you were supposed to do? Yes that thing. Do that now. Go on, it’ll annoy you for the rest of the day otherwise.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Nobody is reading this starsign because they are too busy doing that thing. You are, aren’t you?
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
If someone stops you for speeding and you are wearing a green t-shirt, you are a blonde 60 year old, like to race snails and have an irrational hatred for muffins, then maybe stop speeding.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Wrestling is a sport that injures many people, but I wouldn’t trust that ping pong ball that’s lying on the ground either. I suggest burning it before it’s too late.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December – 21)
Everybody’s wrong, that tie does match your suit. Wear it with pride… and style!
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Your lucky number today is 17. Therefore you must do everything 17 times. That includes reading this article 17 times. You just scratched your nose? Do that sixteen more times. Accidentally burped? Better get that Coca Cola ready.
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Almost According to Plan 
Reblogged this on Lost Dudeist Astrology.
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